How to keep your boss from driving you crazy
As a psychologist, I’ve been shrinking heads and consulting with businesses for more than thirty years. Every day people tell me that their bosses are driving them crazy, and ask me what they have to do to stay sane. Here’s what I tell them:
The secret to dealing effectively with difficult bosses (and all other difficult people for that matter) is to approach them from their point of view rather than yours. Here are four of the world’s most crazy-making bosses, with a few tips on how to use this strategy to keep their craziness from driving you insane.
Micromanaging Control Freaks – Control Freaks offer a perfect example of what I mean by approaching difficult bosses from their point of view rather than yours. Your inner teenager gets irritated when people tell you what to do. You may think they do it simply because they like to be in control. Actually, control freaks are terrified of making mistakes. To keep them from driving you crazy, it takes reassurance rather than recrimination. Let them know that the project is as important to you as it is to them. Listen attentively to their lectures and take notes. Give far more progress reports than you think anyone would need. If you respond their fear rather than your irritation, they are likely to go and micromanage someone else.
Bullies – Bullies get angry because it gets them what the want. The secret to dealing effectively is to show them they can get what they want without all the yelling. If you’re being chewed out by a bullying boss, never try to get yourself off the hook by explaining why you did what you did. Your explanation will only make your boss angrier. Instead of explaining, calmly ask them what you need to do to fix the problem.
If staying this calm seems daunting, remember that anger and thinking occur in different parts of the brain. If you can manage to stay calm when a bully is yelling, you will have about a fifty IQ point advantage.
Sleaze Balls – Sleazy managers use your own hopes and fears to manipulate you. Everything sounds like a promise, until they’ve gotten what they want. Then, what did you say your name was? Remember that Sleaze Balls use communication differently than normal people do. Everything they say is designed to engender an emotional effect in you. If your boss is a sleaze ball, ignore threats and flattery. Believe only what you see in writing.
Pathological Positive Thinkers –These bosses have sustained brain damage from attending too many motivational seminars. They actually believe that if their people have enough can-do spirit, the more taxing aspects of management just evaporate. There are no problems to ponder, no conflicts to resolve. With bosses like these, there are two things to remember: Never make fun of their religious beliefs, and never suggest that anything is wrong. Present anything that might be construed as critical as a suggestion about how to make something great into something fabulous.
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By Albert J. Bernstein PhD, author of bestsellers Dinosaur Brains and Emotional Vampires. His newest book is Am I the Only Sane One Working Here? 101 Solutions for Surviving Office Insanity. For more information on how to stay sane at work, visit Dr. Al’s website: www.albernstein.com
Posted by: Stephen West | Sep 22, 2021 12:51:50 AM
Myself and a co-worker just quit a job last Friday because I was working for the biggest arse on the planet. The man smoked in the workplace like it was the cure for cancer, he would give us instructions to do things, then leave the business, while he was out he would come up with a new plan for what he had just told us to do before he left and come back and give us a hard time for not doing it the way he had come up with while he was out. I had to remind him that none of us were Kreskin with mind reading capabilities on several occaisions. He would have us lie to his creditors all the time, customers too, then he would preach about honesty, a word that he did not know the meaning of. He questioned everything we did no matter how many times we had done it correctly in the past, shipping and receiving, no exactly rocket science. Boxes come in, we unpack them then repack new boxes with the stock from the boxes that had come in, pretty straight forward. He would ask us every time how we had done it and whether we were sure we had done it right. The man is 69 gong on 70 and I think there is some senility creepng in there. The worst day of all was every second Friday, payday, no joy there, he would wait till one minute to five to start writing our paychecks, one day it took 40 minutes to get paid. Quitting time is 5 pm and I'm walking out the door with my cheque at 5:40 pm, nice. Then he tells us not to cash them till the next day, really. I even had one bounce on one occaison, on the following Tuesday, real cool. I could go on for a day on this guy. All this fun for $10 bucks an hour, which he seemed to think was a huge wage, in 1979 it was a huge wage, in 2009 it's peanuts.
Posted by: Clifford W Smothers | Sep 22, 2021 3:11:54 AM
My last boss called me into his office, after a short speech he told me that if I didn't start working weekends that my life at work could get very unpleasant. The day I quit I reported this to HR and on the way out the door I told him that at least I wouldn't have to put up with his threats and suggested where he could shove the job. Not the best way to handle it and I burnt a bridge (NOT that I'd ever work for him again anyway, but I did leave feeling better.
Posted by: Doctor Cream | Sep 22, 2021 8:36:25 AM
As a doctor, I have experienced many things, more specifically, cream. It is never easy to hear that fellow employers do not respect you or take your knowledge for cream very tough. Great advice for the article to say that our perspective is show. Employers have many emotions, lawls!
Posted by: why work | Sep 22, 2021 10:48:47 AM
Yeah I have a boss that is very anal. He is so set in his ways that it is very difficult to please him.
The problem is that I am over efficient and I get questioned if I did it correctly all the time. I just figured I would only work at maybe 10-15% efficiency and that would get him off my case before I knock him out. So far its working. I spend most of my time staring at space or surfing the net.
Posted by: Omer | Sep 22, 2021 11:19:46 AM
Boss is like a diapper, always on ass.
Posted by: Omer | Sep 22, 2021 11:22:59 AM
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Posted by: Patrick Scott | Sep 22, 2021 11:54:05 AM
Had to leave my job due to stress in April. When the (female) boss is more concerned about her Mercedes, her sexy boots and finding her next man than running her business which is quickly sinking, it was time to make a quality decision. Flake!
Posted by: Nadine | Sep 22, 2021 12:04:25 PM
My male boss and his colleague are cattier than any women. They gossip about everyone. Meetings were another venue for him to spout his opinion, particularly women, about differeent people in hopes of manipulating his staff to like only those approved by him. He used a lot of double edged comments to bring people down. Not sure why but he is very unprofessional and a bit of a control freak. He is also envious of other men (or women) who have the same power of him. He likes to exclude people from lunches meetings, etc. to feel even more powerful.
Posted by: Bev | Sep 22, 2021 12:29:48 PM
I had a boss who was so full of himself. Thought that only staff with a masters in anything was worth wasting his time on. Have had a lot of jobs, and bosses, but this was the biggest you know what I have every had the displeasure of working for. Now, I have the greatest job and boss.
Posted by: Dawn McCoy | Sep 22, 2021 1:04:08 PM
Hey everyone. If you want to share your bad boss story with the world, please send me an email at e-lynx@shaw.ca. I am writing a book on the subject and, having recently gone through soemthing similar myself, I can tell you I sympathize!!! And, believe it or not, I was the Director of HR.
Posted by: Chrys | Sep 22, 2021 1:32:25 PM
What if the problem is a bully/control freak co-worker and the boss is strictly "hands-off" as long as the work gets done?
Posted by: Kylala | Sep 22, 2021 1:42:13 PM
I work for customer service and am one of those people who are perfectionists. I don't expect people to be but only myself. So when I am at work I work very hard to do my job right. I've been working where I am for over three years. My boss treats me as if I have only just started. I am responsible for certain things at work and it really gets on my nerves when she starts to tell me what I should do step by step. Did you print out this report? Did you make sure this has been done? etc. Not only that but she will ask me to do something and while I am doing it she will tell me to go pass people at cash, serve people at customer service, call people to tell them their product is ready. She gives me the minimum time to fufill my responsibilities. I am very good at mutlitasking but I am only one person and only have two hands. I almost never get recognition for the good work I do and she only comes to me to complain when I was not able to finish a task or if there is a problem somewhere.
Once i was on vacation for a week. When I came back she asked me to fix a problem for a customer that she received four days prior. She proceded to tell me what to do(as usual, though I already knew what to do) and I fixed that problem in 30 minutes. Why couldnt she have done it herself? The customer waited almost a week for a problem to be solved.
Posted by: Chris Short | Sep 22, 2021 2:31:44 PM
The greatest thing about living in a democracy is all of you who hate your boss can quit and get another job...
Posted by: stressed and broken | Sep 22, 2021 3:19:23 PM
My boss once scolded an employee for saying good morning to her. She actually said "I don't pay you to say good morning!" On another occasion she went on a two hour rant about how incompetent her secretarial staff is because someone forgot to push the collate button before making photocopies. Turned out to be an attorney who let his secretary take the fall.
Posted by: Dan | Sep 22, 2021 3:27:57 PM
I am a "boss", I tend to be too nice I've been told, I always believed you can get more from employees by treating them with respect and dignity. I've worked for the screamers and always said when I get to that position I won't be like that There are always some employees that take advantage of you, nice stops working. What do you do then? Unfortunately you have to get angry aometimes, It's the only thing some people seem to understand! Remember, there are probably more "employee horror stories" than boss ones.
Dan
Posted by: Robin Reynolds | Sep 22, 2021 4:24:34 PM
I work at an S.P.C.A. we have many dogs, but my boss is the biggest bitch of them all
Posted by: Sheila | Sep 22, 2021 4:32:05 PM
I worked in a small animal hospital for many years, one day it was like a lightswitch went off and they started to attach all the senior staff, putting demands and impossible tasks upon us. The only goal was to fill their pockets with $$$. Needles to say that the majority of the staff not just myself left. I just wait for the "For Sale" sign because carma will come around and bit them, I know 2 of the 3 have definitelyhad a taste and I am waiting for the third. I now work in a completely differrent environment and my boss is for sure the nicest, honest and decent overall guy, his partner is the same, all was well for 2 years until they hired what I believe to be the spawn of Satan!! Never in my life have I ever seen anyone person do a complete 180 multiple times a day. Thankfully I don't work with this individual but am extremely sorry for his person (and wife and kids).
All I can say is you never know, but for those of you who are dealing with these people just remeber one thing as long as you can hold your head up high your already one step ahead.
Posted by: Susan | Sep 22, 2021 4:36:07 PM
I had a boss....that was "My" worst Nightmare!!!!!!!!!....People would call him a "SocioPath" type of person...I ended up walking out after 5 years.....with no letter of resignation....which I'm sorry for now...as he has made my life a living hell!..
Posted by: Joshua | Sep 22, 2021 5:45:03 PM
Why would you want to make fun of somebody's religious beliefs anyway?